I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I have grass duct taped all over my body
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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