his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
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