he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
