Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
