When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize