I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
i believe in u and ur pee
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
I'm really busy with my period
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