So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
