State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
