Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
