u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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