I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
