her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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