At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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