How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize