I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
