what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize