I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
