Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
