i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I just found puke in my bra..
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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