There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
