you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
