i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
