Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
