It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
