The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
