found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize