I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
