i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
