was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
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