Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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