why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
