you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
