nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
