You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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