you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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