This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
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