i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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