I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
