I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
