I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
