Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
