No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
