Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
