Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Someone came in the potted fern
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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