I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
