I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
