woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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