Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
