Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
