our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
