final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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