i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
