I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
