Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
