is this the sara with the beer cane?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
