We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
