..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
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