you guys were way drunker than both of me
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
