Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
