I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
