My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
